standards and serendipity

how to trust the unknown

lately i have been thinking a lot about standards. about how so many people would stay in ambivalent relationships/partnerships just to avoid being alone. it seems like being by yourself is the greatest punishment in the world. when the relationship you have with yourself is the longest one you will have, and the foundation of the entirety of your life. like the soil beneath the garden that determines the brightest blooms.

when i split ways with my co-founder last year, i was a mess. i didn’t have any leads. i didn’t have a job. i was back in square one.

but i kept telling myself:

surely if i worked on something i care about, treated each day like it matters, eventually i will meet someone who shares the same vision. someone who is aligned with me.

if i kept dragging on a partnership that obviously was not working out. it would be like being in a relationship that had an expiry date. being single feels like square one. but being in a relationship you know is going to end is in square negative. you still need to do the work to get to square one. so being in square one might be the first right step.

i wasn’t sure how i was going to find my new co-founder. but i just had faith that i would. versus if i lowered my standards. if i compromised for something that obviously wasn’t right for me. then i would certainly never find them.

people have a hard time letting go and being alone because they can’t imagine what is on the other side. i struggled with that too. without the built-in structures — school, work, mutual friends — a blueprint of imagination of sorts, how am I supposed to find my people?

the answer is to have faith in the unexpected. that life unfolds beautifully in ways you can’t predict. that you are bound to get the story you deserve. blind faith as the cynics call it — i call it diving timing.

my life at this point in time feels bountiful. i haven’t felt this way in years if not ever. i am glad i kept searching. i am glad i never lowered my standards.

Joy is a tech founder building Kawara. In her free time, she reflects on the search for purpose, love, meaningful work, and meaning itself on Youtube and writes on this Substack. In a past life, she was a software engineer who hated her job. Please say hello!