one good thing

the biggest compliment and insult

nothing annoys me more than when someone who doesn’t know me well assumes they do. usually this manifests bold inexact assumptions. i don’t know what to tell you but just because i laugh a lot doesn’t mean i am docile and it certainly doesn’t mean i will keep up with your bs ha ha.

conversely, nothing is more flattering than when someone compliments my writing. my friend A told me she thinks i write well and that writing is my thing. i’ve been revisiting this comment so much, probing its significance.

to be fair i don’t think i am a great writer. so many people are able to pen out their thoughts more artfully. but i do like to write more than most people and when i do i write with my all of my heart.

writing is one of those few hobbies that i genuinely enjoy even though i am not the best at it. i know there is a trend to monetize your hobbies and what not, but i would keep writing even if it doesn’t reap any material significance. there are a few things in life you should do just because you like it even if you are absolutely horrible at it, for balance sake. you don’t have to be good at your hobbies. writing is that thing for me.

i think the reason why i like to write so much is because it helps me make sense of life experiences: an opportunity to reflect and to extract meaning from a terrible thing. i used to only write when i was upset. now i try to write about everything, especially the seemingly insignificant things. because life, all of it, is worth examining.

writing is a really intimate space where i pick the corners of both my brain and my heart. so i guess when someone says i write well, it feels like an approval of my vulnerability and myself. acceptance is a blissful lovely feeling.

a hinge date once told me that what you hate is a reflection of what you so terribly don’t want to be. i think that is why i am absolutely repelled by overconfident people. i want to forever be grounded, capable of looking into the mirror, seeing my flaws and admitting my mistakes. writing does that for me. it will forever be the one good thing in my life.