life advice
why context is important
hi! i just wanted to quickly say thank you for all the love the past two posts :’) i’ve gained some subscribers & wanted to briefly introduce myself to those who don’t know me personally. i am a 24 year old writer & engineer living in nyc. joyfull encounters is a space where i publicly reflect
— Joy
i never take life advice from people who don’t know how to be happy. because people who don’t know how to be happy don’t actually know what they want from life.
i don’t mean let’s get dinner and drinks on a saturday night kind of happy. that is happiness fueled by pleasure. under those circumstances, it is easy to be happy. but it is also fleeting and circumstantial at best.
when i say happy, i mean fulfillment. when you are bored out of your mind on a wednesday afternoon, and your life has its problems, but you are proud of who you are, the choices you’ve made and the direction you’re going. your everyday base line mood is just better.
i think when it comes to advice, context is really important. i remember reading a blog post by liah yoo, a founder and content creator i really admire. liah yoo wants to build a sustainable and simple beauty brand. she took advice from people who’ve successfully built brands, but it caused her to lose sight of her vision. the advice while valid didn’t apply to her simply because it was far too practical and she wanted more.
I was going to the wrong people for advice. Instead, who I really need are people who’ve been to Mars. Somewhere that most people believe it’s crazy and delusional but have such a strong conviction that there’s something to explore there.
this reminds me of summer 2019. when i moved to new york recently graduated fresh from a break up with no job lined up. my move was primarily driven by my desire to fulfill my teenage dream of living in new york and working in news. before i moved, i landed interviews at my dream roles but didn’t get an offer. getting a taste of what could’ve been and a fear of regret were enough for me to make the leap.
delusional, yes. misguided, maybe. but not entirely misdirected. i knew if i hadn’t tried, i would regret it forever.
around that time, i was bombarded with life advice from friends who scored big high paying jobs right after graduation. comments like i should get my priorities straight floated around. they encouraged me to play it safe because they played it safe. safe to them is securing a big pay at a big name company right after graduation.
but safe is not what i want from life. great pay and prestige are great, but they are not sufficient to make me happy. i want to be in love with my life including my work. if not i would feel like i have failed in life.
i think back on my happiest moments, and they’ve always yielded from living life to the fullest. which includes doing my best, taking risks and following what is true to my heart.
all the above sounds absurd to the practical. but i am an idealistic person who knows what i want. taking life advice from someone who likes to play it safe would be faulty for me. conversely, if you like to play it safe, taking life advice from me would be a mistake.
to find life advice that will be good for you, ask yourself what it is you want and what makes you happy, instead of looking for life advice in the pages of self help book or others. when you do, it is easier to find advice that is suitable for you. no one knows you better than you do.