do you feel afraid in love too?

#dyftwt3

welcome to my column do you feel this way too where i try to give life advice. take just what you need with a grain of salt. if you need life advice, you can drop it here.

dear joy, i'm a mid 20s male. i've been depressed for quite a while. until by random sheer of luck i met someone who is like the absolute perfect match for me. i totally adore her. long story short, i love her so much that I'm willing to forego the principle of my life that I will not get married before 30 y.o. i totally adore everything about her. we both don’t want to get married soon, we both think that marriage at 30+ is ideal. this is where it gets quite tricky as i don’t mind waiting while getting to know each other, but I'm also afraid of losing her. i've been slowly becoming a better person since i met her. i don’t see any red flags from her the way i have in the past. do you feel this way too?

*edited for brevity

dear reader,

heartfelt human relationships grounded on sincerity and connection are of utmost importance to me. because you can’t force or put a price tag on them. the best kind makes you wonder how you were able to live your entire life without them, not because you can’t, but simply because you no longer want to as your life is far better with them in it.

it sounds to me like you got lucky enough, the kind of luck that eludes most people. i hope you see her for all that she is, and you are loved the way you need to be. but here comes the tricky part.

when we first get into a relationship we see our partner with rose tinted glasses. it is inevitable. the more time you spend together, the more you will inevitably find discrepancies between the person you think you are dating and the person you actually are with. conflict will arise, but conflict is good because it means you are really getting to know each other. it is impossible to agree on everything.

i personally believe the determining factor of whether you should stay with someone is your ability to resolve conflict together. this means meeting each other half way. if you still feel the way you do after all the messy fights, then congratulations, you have found the closest thing to the one.

now with regards to timelines, timelines are an arbitrary concept enforced to us in school. i have come to learn that the best things take both more and less time than expected. life is far more interesting than our timelines. aren’t the best things in life unexpected?

it is so beautiful to love someone for all they are and to be loved for all that you are. so get to really know each other beyond the superficial and treasure what you have. this can only happen with sustained effort over time. relationships need to be nurtured. timeline dwindles in comparison. don’t shy away from what you have.

i am a strong believer in fate. given you do your best, what is yours will not pass you by. so worry less, and fall deeply in love. does that help?

love,

joy